In today’s world, the idea that marrying your best friend as the key to a happy marriage is widely celebrated, in secular and Christian relationships alike. Questions like “Should I marry my best friend?” and “I’m in love with my best friend” are among the most searched topics for those seeking advice when deciding who to spend their life with.

However, doing a deeper dive on Google shows that “disadvantages of marrying your best friend” also came up high in that list. 

Having been married for years now, I’ve learned something valuable about marrying someone who I didn’t consider my “best friend.”

Let me explain. 

There’s value in a couple being best friends, but I don’t believe it’s necessary before marriage. 

My husband is now one of my best friends, but he wasn’t when we were dating, and I’m glad for that.

Here’s why:

1. My Husband Isn’t My Everything

In past relationships, I often made my boyfriend my best friend, neglecting other friendships. This led to heartbreak when the relationships ended. I remember feeling lost and wondering how I could rebuild my sense of self.

Looking back, I wish I had known what St. John Paul II beautifully articulated in Love and Responsibility: “Friendship… consists in a full commitment of the will to another person with a view to that person’s good.” True friendship, whether in marriage or outside of it, respects the individuality of each person while nurturing mutual growth.

This wisdom helped me realize that having other friends alongside my husband enriches our relationship, keeping it grounded and balanced.

Having other friends allowed me to discern marriage without putting all my emotional needs on one person—a common disadvantage of marrying your best friend

2. We Didn’t Know Everything About Each Other

When my husband and I married, we were good friends, but he didn’t know everything about me. My best friend, however, had years of shared experiences with me that helped her understand me deeply. My friend’s insights have often strengthened my marriage, as she’s able to see things my husband and I might miss. The depth of my friendship with her, built over years, has been a blessing to our marriage.

3. Boundaries Were Important While Dating

During our dating period, we intentionally set boundaries. We kept certain things that didn’t need to be shared private and shared later when our relationship was mature. This approach allowed us to honor the stage of our relationship and build a solid foundation of trust and frequent learning for our future together.

As St. Thérèse of Lisieux said, “The world’s thy ship and not thy home.” We knew our relationship wasn’t just about the present but about building a foundation for eternity. Setting healthy boundaries helped us honor the sacredness of each step in our journey, ensuring we grew closer to God while growing closer to each other.

So, while I am now best friends with my husband, I make sure not to put all my emotional needs on him. What I value most is that I have both good friends and a husband, all fulfilling unique and irreplaceable roles in my life.

Additional Resources

Learn more about living out romantic relationships as a Catholic in our post titled “What is Emotional Chastity?” And for more on living out life in general as a Catholic, check out “The Works of Mercy: A Simple Guide,” “‘Fr. Mike Schmitz: “Pray The Mass Like Never Before”,” “How To Talk To People About Jesus: 3 Simple Ways,” “10 Ways to Evangelize (as a Catholic),” and “How To Share Your Testimony (for Catholics).”

For even more great Catholic resources, check out our podcast, which features talks from our SEEK conference, and our YouTube channel for videos and more!