By Joseph Gruber
I can still vividly recall the moment on August 11, 2012. There I stood at one end of a really long aisle, heart pounding, as the woman I had grown to deeply love walked toward me. It was our wedding day, and both Crystal and I were there because we had made a free and fully informed decision to marry each other.
This moment was a testament to the kind of relationship we had built—one centered on clarity and freedom. From the onset of our dating journey, we committed to putting these values at the forefront, and it profoundly changed everything.
The Challenges of Catholic Dating
Catholic dating can often feel like navigating a minefield. We want to navigate with emotional chastity, but no one is perfect and we can get confused on what to do.
As Catholics, we aim to date intentionally (in other words, for the purpose of eventual marriage). A huge obstacle to this can be a lack of, break down, or just plain confusing communication. Catholic or not, who hasn’t puzzled over a vaguely flirtatious comment, or spent hours deciphering the meaning behind a text message?
Choosing a Different Path
Tired of this ambiguity, I decided to approach my relationship with Crystal differently. I was done making others guess my intentions and vice versa. From the beginning, I resolved to be upfront about my feelings and what I was thinking. This openness meant that if I ever felt something was off, Crystal would be the first to know—not the last.
Practicing Open Communication
Throughout our dating period, I frequently checked in with Crystal about where we stood. I was clear from our very first date that I was interested in pursuing a relationship with the potential for marriage. I also made it clear that while we were still exploring our connection, we were free to see other people. This wasn’t about playing games or keeping options open—it was about honesty and respecting each other’s freedom.
As our relationship deepened, so did our exclusivity. I found that I no longer wanted to date anyone else, and I communicated this to Crystal. Each conversation, each step closer, was approached with clear communication and mutual respect.
The Proposal and Beyond
Eventually, our talks about dreams and future plans led to a marriage proposal. I asked Crystal to marry me because I knew her well enough to envision a life together. She said yes, not out of pressure or because it was “the next step,” but because we had both chosen this path together through a series of open and honest conversations.
The Importance of Feedback
What I’ve learned over the years is that couples often know exactly what to say to each other; they just end up saying it to someone else. This indirect communication can stifle a relationship’s growth. The only person who could truly tell me what Crystal thought or felt was Crystal herself. Engaging directly ensured that we built our relationship on a foundation of mutual understanding and respect.
Marriage Requires Even More Communication
Now, as a married couple, the need for clear communication is even greater. The questions we face are no longer just about us as individuals but about us as a family. Issues like parenting, financial decisions, and handling life’s ups and downs require an even deeper level of open dialogue.
Conclusion
If there’s one thing I could advise to those currently navigating the Catholic dating world, it’s this: don’t underestimate the power of being clear and honest. It might not lead to marriage right away, but it will certainly lead to peace of mind and healthier relationships. By choosing to date differently—by prioritizing clarity and freedom—you set the stage for meaningful connections that are built to last.
In retrospect, the decision to approach dating differently not only shaped the course of my relationship with Crystal but also prepared us for a robust marriage. It’s a path I would recommend to anyone tired of the typical dating frustrations, seeking instead a relationship grounded in authenticity and mutual respect.
Additional Resources
Learn more about dating on our blog. Check out articles like What is Emotional Chastity? and Don’t Marry Your Best Friend.
And don’t forget about FOCUS Equip! Find great guides from our knowledgeable team like He Says/She Says: How to Have a First Date that Rocks (and Isn’t Awkward) and Chill Out, It’s Just a Date.
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