By Fr. Mike Schmitz
“I want to go deeper in my prayer life, but I’m not sure how to start. What is my first step?”
Your first step is the one in front of you. I know that sounds like I’m out of the TV show Kung Fu, but it is true. We all find ourselves at different starting points. That means that our first step is going to be our own; it is going to be very personal and unique to ourselves.
Your Image of God
There are some general guidelines that might apply to your case. A potential first might be your image of God. I cannot stress how important this is to get right. Not only because God deserves to be known as He has revealed Himself but also because this will shape every subsequent step. If we are under the impression that God needs to be bribed into loving us, or manipulated into helping us, or placated when His “fragile ego” is bruised, then that will shape our prayer. This is the false image of the gods presented in the Greek and Roman myths: the gods were fickle, they couldn’t be trusted, their “love” was arbitrary. It is represented quite well in the recent movie The Clash of the Titans. In it, the main message is, “The gods need us. We grow more powerful the less we pay attention to them.”
The Christian counterpoint to this could be expressed in the Catechism’s teaching that, “Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God’s thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for Him” (CCC 2560). God’s “thirst” for us is not arbitrary or needy. In His perfect self-sufficiency, God has made the irrevocable decision to choose us. This decision (this love) is constant, true, and free.
God’s Image of You
A second helpful step might be God’s image of us. Ask the question, “What does God think of me?” If we think that we are merely an annoyance to God, this will shape our prayer (it may even cause us to avoid prayer entirely!). God’s image of you: you are completely unique in all of creation, you are precious to God, you are worth loving. That last piece is critical. I talk with many people who wrestle with this wound. They do not believe that they are worth loving… especially in their weakness and sin. This wound is in desperate need of healing, and this lie is in desperate need of being exorcized.
Three Obstacles to Prayer
With these two thoughts in mind, there is a need to take the following step: in spite of the fact that God is infinitely patient with us and has irrevocably chosen us, it is our task to remove any known obstacles between God and us. Here are three possible obstacles: pride, unforgiveness, and distraction.
- To root out pride, we must become humble—not by thinking we’re worthless, but by telling the truth. The first truth is that there is a God, and we are not Him. Humility means recognizing Someone greater than us who still finds us worth loving. It’s being open to both correction and truth, even when it’s hard. Ask: Am I willing to be taught?
- Refusing to forgive hardens our hearts toward God, others, and even ourselves. If we know we’re holding onto bitterness, we must choose—often repeatedly—to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse wrongdoing; it’s choosing to will the good of the other, even if emotions still burn. Praying for someone’s conversion fulfills Jesus’ command and sets us free.
- Distractions aren’t always bad—recreation can be good if it’s what we’re meant to be doing. But if we use them to avoid the present, we may be shutting God out. The key is living deliberately—being present to the moment and to God.
Want to experience the Mass more deeply? Read Fr. Mike Schmitz’s reflection and discover how to worship in the Mass like never before.
Keep in mind that these are just some very simple beginning steps. None of them can be taken without grace; that is, without the help of God. But remember, God wants to help you take each of these steps. And He is infinitely patient with us while we are learning to walk.
Additional Resources
Watch more from Fr. Mike Schmitz on prayer:
Radiating Joy: The Michelle Duppong Story is live for your viewing on SEEK Replay! An inspirational and powerful documentary about Servant of God Michelle Duppong, whose life bore witness to heroic Christian suffering and a deep passion for inviting others into the love of Christ. Watch it now on SEEK Replay.
In Radical Love – The Cure for a Restless Heart, Kim Zember shares her personal testimony of how God’s unconditional love transformed her life and brought healing to deep wounds. Listen to her story here.
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